STM Needs an Illustrator

Listen up, all you talented artists, cartoonists, graphic designers, and doodlers: We've got a project in the works for which we'll need to hire an illustrator. It would be delightful to find someone from among our readers, family members of our readers, friends of our readers, or complete strangers who just happen upon this page. So spread the word.

At this point, we have not made any decisions about the style we are looking for. Maybe these are crudely drawn pictures, maybe they're slick graphics, maybe they're panelled cartoons. Hell, we haven't even decided if it should be color or black and white. We're taking a "we'll know it when we see it" sort of attitude. So just give it your best guess. We promise not to do anything with anyone's work without having come to an agreement first.

All you have to do is send two (or more, if you want) sample illustrations to by March 7. The Subject line should be "Illustrations".

We'll be assessing illustrations for 1) style and 2) comedy. So, if you'd like to simply send samples of your past work, that's fine. However, if you send a couple of illustrations of quotes from the blog, or illustrations that communicate a similar comedic feel, that would be even better.

If you do wish to work from STM quotes, but you're feeling overwhelmed about where to start, here are a few that we think lend themselves well to illustrations:

"Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun."

"I can't control the kittens. Too many whiskers! Too many whiskers!"

"Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs!? We're done for... done for."

"Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."

"My badger's gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!

"Never before have I had the opportunity to ride one of these wonderful creatures. I'm gonna take it slow, and make it last all day. Mmmm-hmmm. I love saddling up my hamster."

"Jellyfish are attacking. Everybody grab your ice cream guns. Let's get those little things!"

"I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to bag up all my nasal hair. It'll take me hours, but, it will be worth it!"

"You know, you can't be a pirate if you haven't got a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules."

"If I'm gonna be in charge, I need a cape. You can't do the job without a cape. (in deep, robotic voice) Take me to the cape tailor."

"Badger tickling: proceed with caution."

"Welcome to your first day at duck school. I'll make the lesson simple. Okay: Quack. Quack quack. Very good class. Now go swimming."

"Where are all the sleep sheep? Everyone's got a sleep sheep. My sleep sheep's not here. Oh, how am I meant to sleep without my sleep sheep? Sleep sheeeeeep... Wait, you've got two, you bastard! I'm taking that one. He's so soft. Ah, sleep sheep. Don't leave me again. Baaaaaaahhhh."

"Squid wrestling: all tentacles and no substance."

Can't wait to see what you guys come up with!